I’ve been working this week on a list of orders I will NOT obey.  I have to admit , though, I’ve had difficulty coming up with a nice, neat list of ten.

David Letterman and his staff come up with a Top Ten list for every show, and I figured if I took a whole week to come up with just a single Top Ten list, it’d be an easy peasy task and I would  have my next column.  Well, not so fast there, as it turns out.

And then, of course, there’s that whole “Oath Keepers” organization and their “Ten Orders We Will NOT Obey” list, and I really did think if those folks could come up with one, well, just about anyone could.

They cherry-picked some pretty easy “things” to include on their list, obvious “things” just about anyone could agree to – - like NOT obeying any orders  the following of which would be violative of the United States Constitution. I mean, why not just say you will NOT obey any orders the following of which would break one of the Ten Commandments and bring down the wrath of God?  Or, how about NOT obeying any orders the following of which would break the Golden Rule?

Or, how about NOT obeying an order to shove a red hot poker through your eye and out the back of your head?  Or, NOT obeying an order to bend down to pick up the soap in a prison group shower?

Perhaps you haven’t heard about this organization yet, or visited their web site. I’m really not thrilled to give out their information because I don’t want to become associated with them, but I suppose it won’t kill me – - at least I hope it won’t.  Geez, now that I read that line, I’m starting to get a little nervous.

But, still, the light needs to be shined on some of the scariness in this country, so let’s just say if you are truly curious, check out their web site and make up your own mind.   The extent to which these folks really do think there’s a need to swear some oath, really do spend sleepless nights worrying about losing those rights enumerated in their list of ten, is suspect.

However, I do believe some of them are sincere, and that’s the scary part, the outer fringe of those who consider themselves entirely disenfranchised, just like the “birthers” and extreme conspiracy theorists on just about any issue.

Nonetheless, I have started on my own list, and even though I’m not up to ten yet, I thought I’d publish the first five.  So, here are Ten Orders I Will NOT Obey:

1.  Whopper with cheese, large fries, large soda, apple pie.  Oh, wait, that’s an order I won’t place – - I love whoppers, but just way too many calories.  Still, I might break the oath and go have one for lunch today.

2. I will not obey orders to covet my neighbor’s wife, no matter how firmly I am ordered to do so.  She’s a sweet and lovely lady, but she’s also 83 years old and somewhat rotund.

3.  I will not obey orders to do two shows a night.  I won’t do it.  Oh, wait, that’s Beetlejuice. Sometimes I get confused in movies.  Never mind.

4.  I will not obey orders to remove the tag from my mattress.  No matter what.

5.  I will not obey an order to STFU or to stop writing these columns.

As I said, I’m only up to the first five, but I continue to work on the list.  If you share my POV, perhaps you can help me finish the list by submitting your idea of an order you will NOT obey.  Let me know.

Oh, and if these columns suddenly and mysteriously end, and I don’t show up for work one day, and am never heard of or from again, well . . . you’ll have the first of the Top Ten List of Suspects already filled in.  Scary.