A traditional Irish breakfast includes rashers, bangers, eggs, tomatoes, potatoes, black pudding, white pudding and baked beans.  Brown bread will usually accompany, along with a pot of tea.  It’s a pretty hearty and full plate, and it does get you through the day.

In Florida, however, it might not be the best choice of early morning fare for school students.  Or, at least not the baked beans part.  We all know the effect beans can have on our digestive system, to one degree or another, much like cabbage and broccoli.

You see, it seems that passing gas while in school is an arrestable offense in some places.  News comes to us from Stuart, Florida, of just such an event. The young fellow in question, a 13 year old, was placed under arrest for “continually disrupting his classroom environment by intentionally breaking wind,” according to AP news reports.

Now, we all know that there are few things in this world funnier than a fart in church.  It’s a fair bet that no pass of gas from the pew has ever gone ungiggled at by someone in the congregation.  Usually someone upwind, too.

But an arrestable offense? It would be proper to consider classroom farting as impolite and crass, to be sure.  In poor taste and rude, too.  But hauled off to the pokey for it?  A bit harsh, punishment disproportionate to the crime.

And what about the poor youth’s future?  It seemed back in junior and senior high school that just about anything we did went on our “permanent record,” or so we were told.  Do you think that “record” still exists for us some 40 years after the fact?  Will this preclude the young man from taking the civil service exam?  How about a run for political office?  That’s a pretty embarrassing skeleton to have in the closet.

Hopefully, his family knows a good lawyer, a fixer like Michael Clayton in that movie of the same name.  Damage control will be necessary to avoid having this tag along with the young man for the rest of his life.  Hopefully, too, he’ll have learned his lesson and will ask permission to step outside if the need should arise again.

And, Mom can help out, too, by making sure he eats a healthy breakfast just so long as it isn’t one that will precipitate flatulence.

Hey, what are you in for?  Intentionally breaking wind.  How about you?  I got caught passing a note in study hall.

The young man was released into the custody of his parents.  There was no word on his arraignment date.  Still time for the fixer to make this all go away.