Today’s entry from the world of protecting our precious little snowflakes from evil comes from the “Show Me” state.  Apparently showing me does not extend to tattoos, though, and that was the subject of a school board meeting in Joplin, MO this week.

Little Devil Tattoo

Seems that the board members consider tattoos as being dangerous and send the wrong message to our youth today.  The board decided to authorize modifications to its personnel policy that would address the dress of teachers and require the complete covering of tattoos.  The policy presently does not require tattoos to be completely covered, and therein lies the rub.

Tattooing has a lengthy history dating back to Neolithic times.  According to the Wiki on tattoos, “Otzi the Iceman,” dating from the fourth to fifth millennium, and found in the Alps, had approximately 57 tattoos.  Mummies discovered in Egypt dating back to the second millennium BC bear tattoos, and tattooing in Japan is thought to date back to the Paleolithic era, some ten thousand years ago. Tattooing in the modern Western era probably originates from Polynesian practices and the discoveries made by eighteenth century explorers.

Tattoos have served as rites of passage, marks of societal standing and rank, symbols of religious and spiritual practices, pledges of undying love for one’s mother or sweetheart, and in the case of sailors, port of entry proofs.  Members of our military will often have their unit identification memorialized by a tattoo.  People undergoing medical treatment for cancer will have tattoos added to mark appropriate places for repeated application of radiotherapy, and even to identify blood group.

But, it’s the dark side of tattooing that the board members must have been concerned about this time.  You know what they mean, too – - “tramp stamps,” gang membership markings, religious and magical symbols and the like.  Never heard of a tramp stamp?  Those lower back tribal markings just above the belt line to draw attention to their, well, jeans?  We’re talking Missouri here, though, not the Yakuza in Japan, or the red light district in some city.

Of course, a job applicant for a teaching position who has a bleeding skull tattoo on his or her face probably has a lot more going on that just a bad tattoo choice, and isn’t going to get any job we can think of at the moment anyway.  But, a martial artist’s tattoo of a dragon or a tiger on his or her arm as a symbol of their martial and meditative practices, means a long sleeved shirt or coat at all times.  Same for that heart with Mom’s name in it on the upper arm.

Does that mean, though, that tattoos can’t be discussed by teachers in class? What if one of the students sees a magazine with photos of people with tattoos?  Should those magazines be removed from the school’s library?  What if it’s a tattooed person on television?  And will this mean that a student whose parents permit him or her to get a tattoo, assuming they are 18 years of age (maybe a senior?), must have their tat fully covered too?  What if a parent comes to school with a tattoo showing?

And what about Lydia, oh Lydia, have you met Lydia? Lydia the tattooed lady.  Could she get a teaching job today?  In this little Missouri town, maybe not.  Groucho Marx would be upset.

Teachers may have, and presumably get, tattoos without violating the contemplated code. They just can’t show them or any part of them.  We don’t want our precious little snowflakes seeing tats – they might get the wrong impression.  About what, exactly, is unclear, as is what they are being protected from by this teacher dress code, you know.

Anyway, the world was created only about 6000 years ago, and so that Paleolithic tattoo theory is just pure bunk.  Let’s make sure some tattooed ratbastard doesn’t fill our kids with those crazy notions.  And while we’re at it, let’s do something about nose and facial hair.  They can be very scary to our younglings, too.