Shout “Beam me up, Scotty” at William Shatner, and the former Captain Kirk will give you the finger. It happened in California, when teens yelled it after he crashed his motorcycle. Apparently he refuses to dress for safety when biking it, and his beach attire was tattered from the accident. Kids will be kids, and they just couldn’t resist being a little sassy. Shatner, old enough not to care, and perhaps self-absorbed enough not to, responded by flipping the bird.

So, I was thinking, what if our presidential candidates had the same attitude? Or at least decided just to be themselves and let their inner child out for a little while this political season? What would be so bad about that? A little guttering would add spice to the monotony, I think. This thing has droned on and on, and is getting too darn old.

Speaking of old, can’t you just see Senator McCain letting himself loose even just one time? “Damn kids, get off my lawn” seems a phrase tailor made for geriatric John. If he spoke Irish, it might be the occasional “Póg Mo Thoin”! Up close and personal, we’re told McCain is very good, sharp, focused, lucid and tight. I don’t mean to suggest otherwise. Tough, too, and he won’t back down from a fight. So, why not just let it rip, John?

Speaking of tough, have you ever seen anyone tougher than Hillary Clinton? Tough as nails, as I wrote last week. You know she’s got something inside her screaming to be let out. You can just tell. What would be so wrong with that? She doesn’t think Barack Obama can win Florida, Ohio, New Mexico, and other key states that would be necessary for a Democratic victory in November. Say it out loud, Hillary. Did you see that guy bowling last week? What was that all about? One of the guys? He’d get the crap beat out of him at any bowling alley I’ve been to, and would be the last guy chosen in a pick-up match. You can say it, Hillary, we all know you want to. Nixon was the last president to promote bowling in the White House, and we all know what happened to him.

As for Obama and his bowling shtick, well, that’s a tough one to come back from with any style. Flipping the bird just wouldn’t do it. He’d probably leave his tie on, and not even loosened. I say loosen it, Barack. You know the word for Hillary that would bring the house down, so what’s keeping you from loosening that? Too much of a gentleman? That just plays into the “effete” claims, the “elitist” claims. Prove them wrong, Barack.

When my children were young, and would get into a shouting match with each other, I would tell them to stop yelling, put boxing gloves on, go out in the back yard and pound each other in the face, taking turns, until they settled the fight. They would look at me like I was crazy, and we still laugh about it to this day. They got the message, and came together to combat this lunatic who was telling them to get bloody. Thank God they had the sense to ignore me.

This time, though, I hope McCain, Clinton and Obama listen to me. Never mind this “political” crap of gamesmanship and careful word choice. Let those inner kids out, and say what you really think. Just for one day I would love to see that. Imagine how that would clear the air, put a good smile on everyone’s face. God knows we can all use a smile.

First one to do it gets my vote. The rest of you, Póg Mo Thoin!